Posts by Roak

Do they actually expect me to write something? 7/8H

Do they actually expect me to write something? 7/8H

October 3, 2018 Roak
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Progress, Shit-post

We interrupt this weeks issue of Roakpoast for an erotic fan-fiction. “Muahahahaha!” Bellowed Zul. Weeks of not being killed by Onineko had made the dead troll zombie ghost thing cocky and overconfident. Little did he know that this time, it was different. Not Sandy “accidentally” pulling early at five seconds, that was the same. Nor Kupp running to Narnia and ranging the healers, that too was the same. Maybe it was the absence of the safety net Roak brings with...

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It’s ok to give people AIDS – Vectis and Zek’voz Down 5/8H

It’s ok to give people AIDS – Vectis and Zek’voz Down 5/8H

September 19, 2018 Roak
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Progress, Shit-post

I thought I’d take a break from slagging Group2 today as their progress (or lack of it) says more than any mean words I can think up could possibly do. Instead, I want to go back to some classic Roak posting. The kind of self-gratifying nonsensical spew that makes me feel good about myself when I write it… You know, the important things. Our story begins Thursday night. We had a tenuous lead over G2 after they defeated G’huun, knowing...

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They can take our Red, but they’ll never take first place! Fetid Devourer down 3/8H

They can take our Red, but they’ll never take first place! Fetid Devourer down 3/8H

September 13, 2018 Roak
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Progress, Shit-post

In a move that can only be considered sneaky and underhanded, Team Dastardly and Devious Deages Yeast (DADDY) made a shock move late Wednesday night when they announced that everybody’s favourite bearded bridge marrying gay homosexual ginger, Red, would be raiding with DADDY this week. An inside source and self-proclaimed “high ranking” member of DADDY, who requested to remain anonymous, and will hitherto be referred to as Lawsoon Elekov explained that poaching players from Turtle’s Titantic Titanium Titans (TTTT) was...

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G’huun down, normal cleared! Best raid team revealed!

G’huun down, normal cleared! Best raid team revealed!

September 10, 2018 Roak
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Progress, Shit-post

Alright, let’s say it upfront and get it out of the way. I missed the G’huun kill. Last night was Jewish New Year and I had family obligations that I had to attend to, but folks, I was there. I may not have been physically in the raid. I may not have been running around in my old school tree form with less pixels than parliamentary leadership spills… but folks, I was there. I was there for that crucial last...

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Controversy as Turtle’s Tenacious Troupe take the lead

September 6, 2018 Roak
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Progress, Uncategorized

Greetings Onineko and welcome to the guilds first and only unbiased news source, delivered straight to your internets for easy consumption. I am the editor Roaktahl, ready to tackle the tough issues facing the guild, speaking as the voice of the people. Our first (and only) story today – Touted as the greatest grudge match the guild has seen since Onineko vs Peggysui 2016, the raid team race ended in controversy as the Blizzard servers shut down mid-raid, causing both...

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Know Your Raid Leaders: Turtle and Deages

Know Your Raid Leaders: Turtle and Deages

August 31, 2018 Roak
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Shit-post

The Battle for Azeroth is heating up as Onineko’s two raid teams: A Turtle made it to the water and Alliance fagboiz 696969 prepare to take the stage in the first raid tier of BfA. Which team will come out on top? To gain greater insight into the machinations of our two raid leaders, I spoke with both this morning in an exclusive interview. Roak: Good morning, gentlemen, thank you for making time to speak with me this morning. Turtle:...

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Onineko wakes from slumber: Is still full of fuckwits

Onineko wakes from slumber: Is still full of fuckwits

August 27, 2018 Roak
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Shit-post

Hello all my fellow demon cat furry sex maniacs and welcome to the first Battle for Azeroth post by yours truly, the one and only Roaktahl! We’re now just shy of two weeks into the expansion and things are heating up both in-game and in-Red’s-pants so lets take a moment to sit a while and listen to old Roak rant about things that he’s found interesting in the past few weeks. We Have No Tanks: The thing first and foremost...

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LOUD NOISES! 5/11M – REVISED EDITION

March 8, 2018 Roak
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Progress, Shit-post

I’ve never enjoyed this fight. On both normal and heroic it’s just far too easy and far too pointless to even call it a boss fight. So when it came round to Mythic, I had pretty low expectations. I can now confidently say that I was right to have low expectations as this fight is just as stupid and shit as it is in every other difficulty. All that said, Onineko is still Onineko, and being skilled enough to knock...

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“Don’t get hit by this” and other valuable nuggets of information you already knew 4/11M

“Don’t get hit by this” and other valuable nuggets of information you already knew 4/11M

March 3, 2018 Roak
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Progress, Shit-post

I really thought I was done writing news posts way back in December when we knocked Heroic Argus down, but it seems the demand for a weekly Roak post is so strong that the entire guild has lifted their game to continue the progression train. And who am I to deny the people what they want? But before we get into this week’s Roak Review, this boss kill doesn’t belong to the entire raid team. No, there may have been...

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Quitting: What does it actually mean? – A Study by Roaktahl 3/11M

February 25, 2018 Roak
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Progress, Shit-post

Google (cause I don’t have an Oxford Dictionary handy) defines “Quit” as: quit1 kwɪt/ verb leave (a place), usually permanently. “hippies finally quit two sites in Hampshire last night” But I’d like to propose a new definition. quit2 künt/ licariusism leave (a place), usually temporarily but only after stressing how super permanent it’s gonna be this time. “Lic said he’s quitting again, I wonder how long until he’s back?” So Lic came back this week after having quit about a...

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