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USELESS . FUCKING . CASUALS

With terrible people comes terrible gameplay.

Onineko
Its Japanese for something

ONINEKO

It probably means Demon Cat. No-one knows, because no-one is Japanese.
Australian PvE guild filled mainly with adults.

We're recruiting!

Melee FOTM welcome, until they’re nerfed.

Big dick DPS

Proud Members of the Billion-High Club. 8:30pmish on Sundays AEDT

Edgy Content

Smash out all the heroic raids, leave guild to progress mythic, re-join because mythic guilds succ. 

"Sadly the game you were looking for did not arrive this expansion, all aspirations of a game now lie with Shadowlands"

News & Junk

Gluten intolerant boss kills and shit-posts

Tales of Onineko Past: Dragonwrath, Tarecgosa’s Rest

Greetings All and welcome to the first installment in a blog series I’ve decided to write to drum up a bit of excitement for the upcoming Shadowlands release. Tales of Onineko Past. In each installment I’ll detail the events of an historic moment in Onineko in the stylistic tone of a classic Roak Poast. In this addition, we talk about the fabled Legendary staff of the Firelands raid: Dragonwrath, Tarecgosa’s Rest. A long time ago, before Blizzard adopted the “Legendaries...

[Classic] Blizzard introduces new idle game: Warcraft Classic!

Warcraft Classic, aka Queue Simulator 5000, a “new” game by the geniuses at Activision Blizzard, released earlier this week that has, so far, been lauded as the greatest blue balling dick tease since Jessica Nigri announced she’d never do porn. In an exclusive report by The Roak Poast, we’re going to take a Deep Dive into Queue Simulator 5000 (QS5) and give you all the information you need to make the most of your QS5 experience. Let’s get started shall...

Roak Poast Late Mail: DOORY DOOTY ‘DITION – 9/9H

Roak Poast Late Mail: DOORY DOOTY ‘DITION – 9/9H

Greetings and Salutations to all the little Roaklings out in the Roakiverse today. I know you’ve all been waiting patiently for this edition of the Roak Poast, the (possibly?) final one of the tier that wraps up Azshara and the Eternal Palace raid. Well friends, I’m still fired up from dishing out some red-hot justice to a rapist last week, so without further ado, let’s get into it! “But wait a minute Roak, if I’m not mistaken, you weren’t even...

Psuedopenises, Cloacas and Za’Qul, Oh My! 7/8H

Here it is, we finally arrive at the pointy end of The Palace of Azshara raid instance with the penultimate boss, Za’Qul, also known as Generic Tentacle Monster #76 (settle down Ruki) but have Blizzard finally managed to produce a satisfying boss experience this tier after a mostly lacklustre performance from the previous six bosses? Read on and find out… (Spoiler alert, the answer is Yes). Za’Qul Heroic is so far, the most enjoyable boss of the tier and goddamnit...

Trash Before Za’Qul Down! 6/8H

Greetings to all the little Roaks and Roakettes out there and welcome to the Roak Poast. Welcoming back incumbent asshole Shacarius, we ventured back into Azshara’s Eternal Palace. With only a handful of bosses left, we were confident we could wrap up another boss or two and add to the growing trophy case of boss heads that I assume Yog keeps in his house next to a photo of Roak with the inscription “Best Onineko GM Ever!” Back to Azshara,...

We killed three bosses and all I got was paying Sandy a lousy thousand gold 5/8H

So it seems that apparently some people don’t like to read news posts entirely about how great Roak is. I’ll spare everyone the embarrassment and not mention any names (Captain Murray Pants and The Saj) and dedicate myself to writing about the actual raid this time instead of my previously prepared post titled “1000 Words About How Great Roak Is”. We started the raid at boss number three. The Radiance of Azshara. This guy kinda reminds me of Immerseus from...

Ez Fears Roak, Rerolls Paladin – 8/8N 2/8H

Ez Fears Roak, Rerolls Paladin – 8/8N 2/8H

Despite limited play time this tier and a clear lack of understanding of any boss mechanics, Guild Legend Roaktahl has been able to rally the guild with his charismatic charm, leading from behind the scenes to see Onineko claim the scalp of Queen Azshara in her Eternal Palace in normal difficulty, just one week after the launch of the tier. Not only that, but dipping our toes in the water (geddit??) in heroic and knocking over the first two bosses...

Battle for Daz’azalazalor proof guild can succeed without best player – 9/9H 1/9M

Friends, I’ve been carrying this guild since 2010. In Wrath, it was the likes of Cil and Trammy, names that only a handful of players will remember, that I carried to victory over Arthas and the Scourge. I kept those useless bastards alive so that we could achieve our goal and clear the tier before the end of the expansion. You see, these were the early days. Back then the jokes about how shit Onineko was, weren’t jokes, but self...

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