Chains of Social Distancing – A Guide To Covid-Safe Raiding! 3/10H 9/10N

Hi Team! Welcome to this week’s edition of the Roak Poast, where we unveil the Internet’s first and only guide to raiding in a covid-safe environment.

As a World of Warcraft player, it is already very likely that your poor hygiene, body odour and disfigured face, combined with any physical disabilities has caused you to lead a relatively isolated and friend-free life already. However a lot of Roak Poast readers have been writing in asking the same question – how can I raid with my online “friends” without catching the Covid-19 virus?

Ever the neck-bearded guild full of losers. Onineko was the perfect raiding guild with which to experiment our first socially distant raid. This week, starting with normal progression, Onineko smashed through all last weeks bosses before coming up against Fatescribe Ro-Ko-Ko-Rolo who looks a lot like some candy from my youth

I haven’t had one of these in ages.

Social distancing is tricky for this boss as the main jazz of the encounter is spinning the wheels clock or counter-clock wise, which means you will need to team up with a buddy when spinning each wheel. Remember to always keep at least 1.5m apart when spinning wheels which will probably be impossible with hitbox rules. In fact, it’s probably just better if you spin only one way and pray for good RNG.

7/7 Rolos

The telescope is all that matters.

Next up on the Covid-Friendly boss kill list – Naxxramas was apparently only a setback cause Kel’Thuzard is back again for more Lich-like shenanigans.

Once again this is a very difficult boss to kill in a covid-safe way, so make sure you’re masked up because if you’re like the majority of Australians – you’re not vaccinated! Anyway KT is a fairly simple fight with like 3 mechanics that get harder as you repeat the fight 4 times. For the sake of not accidntally coughing on a friend, it’s wise to keep spread, except for when you need to go inside his phylactery which when I measure was about half a foot wide, so I’m expecting would be quite difficult to keep distanced.

In any case, Facey went inside the phylactery and he’s a doctor so it’s probably fine.

KT was an exciting (if a bit easy in normal) boss fight and was a great finish to Thursday’s raid.

6/7 Roaks

A group of uncentred bears

With normal progress out of the way, let’s look at the exact same bosses but only slightly more complicated!

The Tarongazoo boss is almost as fun as the normal version – which is to say not very fun at all. I think there might have been a new mechanic but I was too busy trying to stay awake to pay attention for it. Fortunately, due to the large arena space, the fight is very easy to remain distant – except for when he turns the whole room black except for one small triangle. In this scenario it is preferred to stand in the bad and just let healers deal with it because they’re probably as bored if not moreso than the rest of us.

2/7 Roaks

Moments later Riptyde came in and smoke bombed the entire raid.

Continuing down the heroic path we come to the heroic Occular Commander – the arch nemesis of Guild Master and Chinese Overlord – Facey “Supreme Chairman of Rice” Masher. However this boss was recently a close contact of a confirmed covid infection and was unable to participate in this week’s raid. He is expected to be back after two weeks of isolation.


The Adventures of Roak and Marcus – A non-covid safe adventure.
Coming to Netflix this Summer!

Finally, to wrap up a week of progression. We come to The Nine. This is a fight that Blizzard did not take social distancing orders under considerations at all. First of all, not one of The Nine is wearing a mask, despite all being forced to work onsite in the same office building. Secondly, these bitches are spilling bodily fluids all over the entire encounter room.

The obvious unsafe environment and core mechanics that basically force you to stack for dispels (thanks Calt for refusing to stack with the other infected assholes) are not the only concern as there are now reports coming out of the Sanctum of Lockdown that Signe is also an Anti-Vaxxer.

More on this story as it develops.

4/7 Roaks

25 Anti-Vax Memes That You're Going To Go To Hell For Laughing At

That’s It! Stay safe everyone and let’s continue to not interact with anyone inside or outside the world (of warcraft)

<3 Roak