Posts by Roak

A Guild made it to Melbourne!

A Guild made it to Melbourne!

Greetings dear friends and sworn enemies and welcome to this exclusive edition of the Roak Poast – Adventures in Melbourne. In this week’s edition we discuss bad choices, unhealthy relationships and Deages: the man behind the mask, but before we get into that… Not since (maybe) 2014 has such a great number of Oninekians gathered together in the one place to share beers, bodily odours and good times! Yes friends, this past¬†weekend some time ago PAX in Melbourne happened and...

It’s OK to be a Shaman – Mythic Mother down! 2/8M

It’s OK to be a Shaman – Mythic Mother down! 2/8M

In a move that will likely guarantee his raiding position for every subsequent Mythic Mother attempt for the remainder of the tier, resident Onineko dinosaur Shacarius, has surprised the entire guild by not being entirely as useless as previously thought. An informal poll was conducted around the Roak Poast office this afternoon of which the results found an overwhelming majority of respondents considered Shacarius to be both a disgrace and with poor personal hygeine BUT who is also “alright” at...

Onineko defeats G’huun: Roak procrastinates posting about it 8/8H

Onineko defeats G’huun: Roak procrastinates posting about it 8/8H

Greetings nerds and nerdettes! Today is a special day. It’s special because I set myself a hard deadline to write this stupid post by tonight and it’s currently 9pm and this is the only sentence I’ve got written. I tried to have a think about what was causing this creative block and I think I’ve come to a conclusion. G’huun just wasn’t that interesting. Sure I could write a few paragraphs about how much of a fucking retard Deages is...

Do they actually expect me to write something? 7/8H

Do they actually expect me to write something? 7/8H

We interrupt this weeks issue of Roakpoast for an erotic fan-fiction. “Muahahahaha!” Bellowed Zul. Weeks of not being killed by Onineko had made the dead troll zombie ghost thing cocky and overconfident. Little did he know that this time, it was different. Not Sandy “accidentally” pulling early at five seconds, that was the same. Nor Kupp running to Narnia and ranging the healers, that too was the same. Maybe it was the absence of the safety net Roak brings with...

It’s ok to give people AIDS – Vectis and Zek’voz Down 5/8H

It’s ok to give people AIDS – Vectis and Zek’voz Down 5/8H

I thought I’d take a break from slagging Group2 today as their progress (or lack of it) says more than any mean words I can think up could possibly do. Instead, I want to go back to some classic Roak posting. The kind of self-gratifying nonsensical spew that makes me feel good about myself when I write it… You know, the important things. Our story begins Thursday night. We had a tenuous lead over G2 after they defeated G’huun, knowing...

They can take our Red, but they’ll never take first place! Fetid Devourer down 3/8H

They can take our Red, but they’ll never take first place! Fetid Devourer down 3/8H

In a move that can only be considered sneaky and underhanded, Team Dastardly and Devious Deages Yeast (DADDY) made a shock move late Wednesday night when they announced that everybody’s favourite bearded bridge marrying gay homosexual ginger, Red, would be raiding with DADDY this week. An inside source and self-proclaimed “high ranking” member of DADDY, who requested to remain anonymous, and will hitherto be referred to as Lawsoon Elekov explained that poaching players from Turtle’s Titantic Titanium Titans (TTTT) was...

G’huun down, normal cleared! Best raid team revealed!

G’huun down, normal cleared! Best raid team revealed!

Alright, let’s say it upfront and get it out of the way. I missed the G’huun kill. Last night was Jewish New Year and I had family obligations that I had to attend to, but folks, I was there. I may not have been physically in the raid. I may not have been running around in my old school tree form with less pixels than parliamentary leadership spills… but folks, I was there. I was there for that crucial last...

Controversy as Turtle’s Tenacious Troupe take the lead

Greetings Onineko and welcome to the guilds first and only unbiased news source, delivered straight to your internets for easy consumption. I am the editor Roaktahl, ready to tackle the tough issues facing the guild, speaking as the voice of the people. Our first (and only) story today – Touted as the greatest grudge match the guild has seen since Onineko vs Peggysui 2016, the raid team race ended in controversy as the Blizzard servers shut down mid-raid, causing both...

Know Your Raid Leaders: Turtle and Deages

Know Your Raid Leaders: Turtle and Deages

The Battle for Azeroth is heating up as Onineko’s two raid teams: A Turtle made it to the water and Alliance fagboiz 696969 prepare to take the stage in the first raid tier of BfA. Which team will come out on top? To gain greater insight into the machinations of our two raid leaders, I spoke with both this morning in an exclusive interview. Roak: Good morning, gentlemen, thank you for making time to speak with me this morning. Turtle:...

Onineko wakes from slumber: Is still full of fuckwits

Onineko wakes from slumber: Is still full of fuckwits

Hello all my fellow demon cat furry sex maniacs and welcome to the first Battle for Azeroth post by yours truly, the one and only Roaktahl! We’re now just shy of two weeks into the expansion and things are heating up both in-game and in-Red’s-pants so lets take a moment to sit a while and listen to old Roak rant about things that he’s found interesting in the past few weeks. We Have No Tanks: The thing first and foremost...