Progress

Onineko: Now with Masters Degree 7/10N 3/10H!

Hi Friends! When Boot n’ Bob (great band name by the way) first messaged me (in a Discord channel excluding Jen) to have “the talk” about playing a dps this tier and having the inferior Exploit tank in my place – I was understandably concerned. For you see, in 17 years of playing World of Warcraft, through leading guilds and raids of all different sizes – I have only ever played as Resto or Bear. My concerns were elevated only...

Babies, Floods and World War Three – The Sepulcher is Open! 6/10N

Wow! Hi Friends, it’s been *checks notes* six months since the last Roak Poast and my what strange times we live in. As the two year anniversary of the Covid-19 pandemic waits just around the corner, Onineko has been busy working away in the shadows creating the next generation of raiders to stand in floor candy and eat mechanics to the face. Yes that’s right, we have had not one, but by my count four new starters join the extended...

Onineko feat ‘Friends of Rip’ unseats Sylvannas and digs into Mythic! 10/10H 3/10M

Dear friends, under threat of virtual torches and pitchforks at my door if this Roak Poast doesn’t release. I have decided to dedicate some time under duress to document the heroic tales of Onineko in our campaign through the Sanctum of Domination. Previously expected to culminate at the end of Heroic Sylvannas, Onineko has had new life breathed into it in the form of dropping our most underperforming player – a restoration Shaman who nobody can quite remember the name...

A Wild Roak Poast Appears 10/10N 9/10H

Dearest friends, Thought it pains me to say, I have been derelict in my duties of writing nonsensical geek drivel on the internet to reflect our heroic deeds inside the World of Warcraft. In an attempt to make up for this slight, I have attempted to write this mega poast detailing the exploits of Onineko in our 9.1 Chains of Domination raiding campaign. Unfortunately the State of California sent the Roak Poast office a cease and desist letter over the...

Chains of Social Distancing – A Guide To Covid-Safe Raiding! 3/10H 9/10N

As a World of Warcraft player, it is already very likely that your poor hygiene, body odour and disfigured face, combined with any physical disabilities has caused you to lead a relatively isolated and friend-free life already.

Lust When The Balls Come! Onineko Cracks The Sanctum of Domination! 7/10N

It's been four months since our last Roak Poast and oh my goodness does it feel strange to be back here after so long! After making us wait while they re-released the 14 year old Burning Crusade Classic (now with extra payment gateways for easier microtransactions!), Blizzard have finally delivered on patch 9.1 including the new raid instance The Sanctum of Domination.

GUǏMĀO Learns Hokey Pokey – Eliminates Ravenous Gulper! 3/10M

Good Afternoon Guimao! Nine-fingers Roak here with the latest and greatest scoop on Guimao Progress! After blue balls’ing ourselves last week on a 6% wipe then failing to get enough attendance for a second go the following night. We returned to Castle Nathria’s mythic difficulty this week to achieve an underwhelming kill against Hungering Devourer on the second attempt (at least not nearly as exciting as a kill after the last attempt the previous week would have been). Guild Master,...

Roak Circumcises Finger in Desperate Hope to Bless Mythic Progress 2/10M

Greetings followers of Onineko’s #1 News Platform the Roak Poast and welcome to this edition of Roak Poast EXTRA TIME as we go beyond the boring heroic difficulty and into what we’re all really here for, repeatedly wiping on mythic bosses! The night began like most others, I was in the kitchen helping to prepare dinner with the wife, when I remembered that we bought a really big and sharp new knife. Figuring now as good a time as any...

Daddy Dennis Dies! The Revenge of the Rising Return 10/10H

Folks, it’s rare that I admit wrongdoing and accept and own the mistakes I’ve made. This is largely because I am never wrong and have yet to make a mistake. It has been seventeen days since our last heroic ‘first kill’ – The Stone Legion Generals, and Onineko was still reeling from the Grand Theft Hummus perpetrated by the still sitting GM Turtle. However if the last seventeen days of progression on Daddy Dennis has taught me anything, it’s that...

Turtle AWOL! Onineko Survives Hummus Drought to Down Stone Legion Generals! 9/10H

Hello to all my weird and wonderful guildmates and welcome to this week’s Roak Poast, the penultimate Poast for heroic in the Castle Nathria tier. But first, an update on our top story. Guild Master of Onineko, and suspected child molester, Turtle has in fact, made it to the water. After embezzling 60,000L of Onineko brand hummus, Turtle, who was heard laughing like a cartoonish villain was seen just outside Uluru with a group of indigenous children who looked very...