Progress

Battle for Daz’azalazalor proof guild can succeed without best player – 9/9H 1/9M

Friends, I’ve been carrying this guild since 2010. In Wrath, it was the likes of Cil and Trammy, names that only a handful of players will remember, that I carried to victory over Arthas and the Scourge. I kept those useless bastards alive so that we could achieve our goal and clear the tier before the end of the expansion. You see, these were the early days. Back then the jokes about how shit Onineko was, weren’t jokes, but self...

It’s OK to be a Shaman – Mythic Mother down! 2/8M

It’s OK to be a Shaman – Mythic Mother down! 2/8M

In a move that will likely guarantee his raiding position for every subsequent Mythic Mother attempt for the remainder of the tier, resident Onineko dinosaur Shacarius, has surprised the entire guild by not being entirely as useless as previously thought. An informal poll was conducted around the Roak Poast office this afternoon of which the results found an overwhelming majority of respondents considered Shacarius to be both a disgrace and with poor personal hygeine BUT who is also “alright” at...

Onineko defeats G’huun: Roak procrastinates posting about it 8/8H

Onineko defeats G’huun: Roak procrastinates posting about it 8/8H

Greetings nerds and nerdettes! Today is a special day. It’s special because I set myself a hard deadline to write this stupid post by tonight and it’s currently 9pm and this is the only sentence I’ve got written. I tried to have a think about what was causing this creative block and I think I’ve come to a conclusion. G’huun just wasn’t that interesting. Sure I could write a few paragraphs about how much of a fucking retard Deages is...

Do they actually expect me to write something? 7/8H

Do they actually expect me to write something? 7/8H

We interrupt this weeks issue of Roakpoast for an erotic fan-fiction. “Muahahahaha!” Bellowed Zul. Weeks of not being killed by Onineko had made the dead troll zombie ghost thing cocky and overconfident. Little did he know that this time, it was different. Not Sandy “accidentally” pulling early at five seconds, that was the same. Nor Kupp running to Narnia and ranging the healers, that too was the same. Maybe it was the absence of the safety net Roak brings with...

It’s ok to give people AIDS – Vectis and Zek’voz Down 5/8H

It’s ok to give people AIDS – Vectis and Zek’voz Down 5/8H

I thought I’d take a break from slagging Group2 today as their progress (or lack of it) says more than any mean words I can think up could possibly do. Instead, I want to go back to some classic Roak posting. The kind of self-gratifying nonsensical spew that makes me feel good about myself when I write it… You know, the important things. Our story begins Thursday night. We had a tenuous lead over G2 after they defeated G’huun, knowing...

They can take our Red, but they’ll never take first place! Fetid Devourer down 3/8H

They can take our Red, but they’ll never take first place! Fetid Devourer down 3/8H

In a move that can only be considered sneaky and underhanded, Team Dastardly and Devious Deages Yeast (DADDY) made a shock move late Wednesday night when they announced that everybody’s favourite bearded bridge marrying gay homosexual ginger, Red, would be raiding with DADDY this week. An inside source and self-proclaimed “high ranking” member of DADDY, who requested to remain anonymous, and will hitherto be referred to as Lawsoon Elekov explained that poaching players from Turtle’s Titantic Titanium Titans (TTTT) was...

G’huun down, normal cleared! Best raid team revealed!

G’huun down, normal cleared! Best raid team revealed!

Alright, let’s say it upfront and get it out of the way. I missed the G’huun kill. Last night was Jewish New Year and I had family obligations that I had to attend to, but folks, I was there. I may not have been physically in the raid. I may not have been running around in my old school tree form with less pixels than parliamentary leadership spills… but folks, I was there. I was there for that crucial last...

Controversy as Turtle’s Tenacious Troupe take the lead

Greetings Onineko and welcome to the guilds first and only unbiased news source, delivered straight to your internets for easy consumption. I am the editor Roaktahl, ready to tackle the tough issues facing the guild, speaking as the voice of the people. Our first (and only) story today – Touted as the greatest grudge match the guild has seen since Onineko vs Peggysui 2016, the raid team race ended in controversy as the Blizzard servers shut down mid-raid, causing both...

LOUD NOISES! 5/11M – REVISED EDITION

I’ve never enjoyed this fight. On both normal and heroic it’s just far too easy and far too pointless to even call it a boss fight. So when it came round to Mythic, I had pretty low expectations. I can now confidently say that I was right to have low expectations as this fight is just as stupid and shit as it is in every other difficulty. All that said, Onineko is still Onineko, and being skilled enough to knock...

“Don’t get hit by this” and other valuable nuggets of information you already knew 4/11M

“Don’t get hit by this” and other valuable nuggets of information you already knew 4/11M

I really thought I was done writing news posts way back in December when we knocked Heroic Argus down, but it seems the demand for a weekly Roak post is so strong that the entire guild has lifted their game to continue the progression train. And who am I to deny the people what they want? But before we get into this week’s Roak Review, this boss kill doesn’t belong to the entire raid team. No, there may have been...