G’huun down, normal cleared! Best raid team revealed!

September 10, 2018 Roak

Alright, let’s say it upfront and get it out of the way. I missed the G’huun kill.

Last night was Jewish New Year and I had family obligations that I had to attend to, but folks, I was there. I may not have been physically in the raid. I may not have been running around in my old school tree form with less pixels than parliamentary leadership spills… but folks, I was there. I was there for that crucial last 20% of the fight. I was there listening to Turtle lead and direct the flow of the raid. I was there each time he said to look away, to avoid the shit on the floor, to switch back to dps. I was there. I was there listening, waiting, hoping, praying… that those useless shit cunts would just fucking wipe it one more time so I could get invited into the raid, but alas it was not to be and Truckin’ Turtle’s Tactical Team of Tyrannical Transvestites (TTToTT) absolutely smashed it out of the park, securing what we all already knew would happen and taking the gold prize for Uldir Normal.

That wasn’t going to be the end of the night though, there were still more heads to collect.

The first of course, the weird machine blood spitting boss thing who’s name still escapes me. However even heroic proved no match for the powers of Onineko and once we figured out that the plasma goes on the green marker, and the other thing goes on the purpler marker, or… maybe it was the other… green, umm… anyway whichever way it was supposed to be, the one time where we did it that way was enough to knock this bloke off and welcome Onineko to heroic raiding in Battle for Azeroth.

But the night was still young… We moved on to Mother, emboldened by our ability to brute force mechanics at the expense of strategy and proceeded to wipe and wipe and then wipe a few more times. With fifteen minutes left on the clock, I knew we needed something, I knew only Roak had the power of motivational speeches strong enough, to break this slump and secure us our second heroic kill. “We can do this!” I cried, among other words with similar impact. The next attempt, with burning fury in our eyes and a strong resolve in our hearts… we wiped cause I fucked up. About ten minutes of consecutive fuck ups later, in what was officially the last attempt of the evening, we got through the first room without fucking up (this was seriously an achievement after the previous half hour). The vibe changed, the tempo picked up. Onto the next room we went, the smell of victory almost palpable. Then it happened, we had to move the rest of the raid to the last room, every cooldown was dropped and then it happened… The laser beams, completely unannounced and right on our faces. I saw my life flash before my eyes, my dreams of a second heroic kill blown to dust as almost everyone stood there, frozen in fear of these lasers. Then, a second later “KEEP GOING!” shouted over the top of discord. We weren’t dead, the broken combo of spirit link totem and darkness somehow breaking the game and leaving the raid relatively unscathed. Suddenly, victory was there to be taken and my fellow TTToTT’ers did Onineko proud, nailing Mother on the stroke of /end-raid.

Now, if I may change gears for a moment. I found a peculiar note left behind on my desk this morning that claims that Dirty Deages’ Dancing Dunces (DDDD) may have actually killed mother a few minutes or so before TTToTT did. Of course I wasn’t there so am unable to verify these claims. Now I take these kinds of investigations very seriously and I’d like to let the rest of the guild know that I fully intend to investigate this matter and get to the bottom of it. I have already spoken to the Onineko head of records and timekeeping and I expect to hear a response soon. Rest assured that once this matter has been clarified, I will absolutely amend this post with the correct scores for each team. Until then, I’m required as per Section C of paragraph II of the Onineko Official Time Keeping and Records Charter to mark Mother with an asterisk (*) and leave it undetermined as to which team beat it first. \

That said, I can absolutely confirm that after one week of raiding, the official ranking and scores of both groups are as follows:

TTToTT: 8/8N 2/8H

DDDD: 7/8N 2/8H

Which means TTToTT are the winners of the normal tier of Uldir! However it’s not all bad news for our friends in DDDD as TTToTT are expected to this week welcome back Ctwin aka The Boss Kill Cockblock aka lol310weaponswut aka #thegroffjokesareback

Grats on an epic week everybody! Until Wednesday!