“Don’t get hit by this” and other valuable nuggets of information you already knew 4/11M

I really thought I was done writing news posts way back in December when we knocked Heroic Argus down, but it seems the demand for a weekly Roak post is so strong that the entire guild has lifted their game to continue the progression train.

And who am I to deny the people what they want?

But before we get into this week’s Roak Review, this boss kill doesn’t belong to the entire raid team. No, there may have been 20 people in the raid, but this win belongs to the select few, who, by virtue of their reliability in being able to perform mechanics, were hand selected to carry the rest of the raid to victory. Onineko, in order of most valuable to least valuable – The Heroes of Portal Keeper Hasabel.


(Oh come on, did anyone expect me to not list myself first?) 

Also known as the mechanics bitch healer. I just ran around like a dickhead healing the real heroes, which leads me to…

Galadriel, Turtle and Jacktheblack

You’d be forgiven for asking these guys to fix your car as they were the masters of mechanics, sacrificing l33t dps ranks for the greater good. These boys made it happen, mad props to the three of you.

Sjareiousdfn (or however you spell it)

He’s a filthy downstairs healer so I wasn’t sure if I should include him, but solo healing the last ~15% is a pretty stellar effort no matter how you look at it.

(actual footage of Saj’s enormous penis.)

Kupp and Serth

It’s no secret that Onineko has had a tank problem since Legion dropped (whatever happened to that legendary Guardian Druid from MoP/WoD?), but I am pleased to report that more than a year after Legion dropped, the two of you met the barest minimum requirements of tanking to allow the rest of us to enjoy and succeed at Mythic. So thank you both for being passably adequate.

As for the rest of you. All I have to say is…Disappointed Roak is Disappointed.

It occurs to me as I write this that across all normal, heroic and mythic attempts, I’ve only ever seen half of this fight. The portal half. So this review will assume that the portal part of the fight is the only thing that happens and while the portal team is portal’ing, the non-portal team is circle jerking it or something… shrugs

We start at orange portal, and after the initial fear of everyone dying cause of debuffs, the only thing worth talking about is how Anghelz gets hit by every single orange swirly that lands somewhere near his feet (I actually reckon he was deliberately hitting these to piss me off). Portal team good. Anghelz bad.

Moving on to green portal, this one is a bit more interesting cause I gotta leg it over from purple while keeping the hero team alive. The points of interest on green are the lolz when Red gets chain webbed at the back of the boss and the real villain of green – Sandy who just refuses to stack on the tank, what a baddie…

Finally purple portal… I think collectively across all Mythic attempts we did this one three times and I’m pretty sure we all died every single time so turns out we’re all shit house. Oh well…

And that’s pretty much it. Once purple portal is done you can apparently solo heal it with half the raid dead so it’s obviously not that hard anymore right Saj?

In conclusion, portals are fun, running around chasing monks and hunters is kinda fun, dead boss is fun. All up I give this boss a groovy 6/7 Roaks

Well done team, I now need to think of something witty to write about the impending Eonar kill…