Shit-post

They can take our Red, but they’ll never take first place! Fetid Devourer down 3/8H

They can take our Red, but they’ll never take first place! Fetid Devourer down 3/8H

September 13, 2018 Roak
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Progress, Shit-post

In a move that can only be considered sneaky and underhanded, Team Dastardly and Devious Deages Yeast (DADDY) made a shock move late Wednesday night when they announced that everybody’s favourite bearded bridge marrying gay homosexual ginger, Red, would be raiding with DADDY this week. An inside source and self-proclaimed “high ranking” member of DADDY, who requested to remain anonymous, and will hitherto be referred to as Lawsoon Elekov explained that poaching players from Turtle’s Titantic Titanium Titans (TTTT) was...

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G’huun down, normal cleared! Best raid team revealed!

G’huun down, normal cleared! Best raid team revealed!

September 10, 2018 Roak
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Progress, Shit-post

Alright, let’s say it upfront and get it out of the way. I missed the G’huun kill. Last night was Jewish New Year and I had family obligations that I had to attend to, but folks, I was there. I may not have been physically in the raid. I may not have been running around in my old school tree form with less pixels than parliamentary leadership spills… but folks, I was there. I was there for that crucial last...

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Know Your Raid Leaders: Turtle and Deages

Know Your Raid Leaders: Turtle and Deages

August 31, 2018 Roak
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Shit-post

The Battle for Azeroth is heating up as Onineko’s two raid teams: A Turtle made it to the water and Alliance fagboiz 696969 prepare to take the stage in the first raid tier of BfA. Which team will come out on top? To gain greater insight into the machinations of our two raid leaders, I spoke with both this morning in an exclusive interview. Roak: Good morning, gentlemen, thank you for making time to speak with me this morning. Turtle:...

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Onineko wakes from slumber: Is still full of fuckwits

Onineko wakes from slumber: Is still full of fuckwits

August 27, 2018 Roak
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Shit-post

Hello all my fellow demon cat furry sex maniacs and welcome to the first Battle for Azeroth post by yours truly, the one and only Roaktahl! We’re now just shy of two weeks into the expansion and things are heating up both in-game and in-Red’s-pants so lets take a moment to sit a while and listen to old Roak rant about things that he’s found interesting in the past few weeks. We Have No Tanks: The thing first and foremost...

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LOUD NOISES! 5/11M – REVISED EDITION

March 8, 2018 Roak
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Progress, Shit-post

I’ve never enjoyed this fight. On both normal and heroic it’s just far too easy and far too pointless to even call it a boss fight. So when it came round to Mythic, I had pretty low expectations. I can now confidently say that I was right to have low expectations as this fight is just as stupid and shit as it is in every other difficulty. All that said, Onineko is still Onineko, and being skilled enough to knock...

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“Don’t get hit by this” and other valuable nuggets of information you already knew 4/11M

“Don’t get hit by this” and other valuable nuggets of information you already knew 4/11M

March 3, 2018 Roak
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Progress, Shit-post

I really thought I was done writing news posts way back in December when we knocked Heroic Argus down, but it seems the demand for a weekly Roak post is so strong that the entire guild has lifted their game to continue the progression train. And who am I to deny the people what they want? But before we get into this week’s Roak Review, this boss kill doesn’t belong to the entire raid team. No, there may have been...

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Quitting: What does it actually mean? – A Study by Roaktahl 3/11M

February 25, 2018 Roak
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Progress, Shit-post

Google (cause I don’t have an Oxford Dictionary handy) defines “Quit” as: quit1 kwɪt/ verb leave (a place), usually permanently. “hippies finally quit two sites in Hampshire last night” But I’d like to propose a new definition. quit2 künt/ licariusism leave (a place), usually temporarily but only after stressing how super permanent it’s gonna be this time. “Lic said he’s quitting again, I wonder how long until he’s back?” So Lic came back this week after having quit about a...

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Onineko drops handicap – Defeats another boss! 2/11M

Onineko drops handicap – Defeats another boss! 2/11M

February 7, 2018 Roak
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Progress, Shit-post

I truly did not expect to be writing two boss posts this week, but then I’d have missed out on making matching hilarious post titles and more articles makes us look more active right? Anywho, Mythic dogs! A bit like regular dogs but with an extra 176% more “fucked up”. This fight divides the raid randomly into Fire and Shadow sides, swapping once at a midway point and requiring all raiders to know how to handle both sides (unless you...

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Onineko Enters Mythic – Succeeds despite Ctwin handicap! 1/11M

February 7, 2018 Roak
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Progress, Shit-post

(Yeah he can kick me from discord… but I’ll be back.) Before we get into today’s article… stack /stak/ a pile of objects, typically one that is neatly arranged. "a stack of boxes" a chimney, especially one on a factory, or a vertical exhaust pipe on a vehicle. "the main stack belches out clouds of black smoke" a basic World of Warcraft raiding strategy where player characters stand on top of one another to mitigate mechanics. "Elesoon, Felpacket, stack up...

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Out with the old, in with the new: Your new officer team!

January 22, 2018 Roak
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Shit-post

With mythic starting next week and Onineko probably going to fail killing any new bosses for a while, I decided to stretch my creative mind and publicly roast Onineko’s new (and old!) officer team to amp everyone up for the upcoming constant and repeated wipes yeaaaaaaaaaaaaah! First up, the dudebros that got the guild this far, you’ve probably never seen them do anything because lets face it, they never did, starting in chronological order of when they became an officer...

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