Psuedopenises, Cloacas and Za’Qul, Oh My! 7/8H

July 31, 2019 Roak

Here it is, we finally arrive at the pointy end of The Palace of Azshara raid instance with the penultimate boss, Za’Qul, also known as Generic Tentacle Monster #76 (settle down Ruki) but have Blizzard finally managed to produce a satisfying boss experience this tier after a mostly lacklustre performance from the previous six bosses? Read on and find out…

(Spoiler alert, the answer is Yes).

Za’Qul Heroic is so far, the most enjoyable boss of the tier and goddamnit Blizzard, if you stopped being a bunch of cloacas and tuned most of the bosses to be this difficult, maybe it’d take longer than half a week to clear the content it takes you half a year to produce? I won’t even pretend I understand all the mechanics that are present in this fight, there’s about seventeen different phases across a dozen different planes of existence. He casts a fear that really hurts, but sometimes it’s a manic fear which hurts even more, there’s also some floor candy that spawns sporadically. Line of Sight is fucked for anyone in a different realm and honestly there’s probably twenty different places where it can all go to shit.

Why then, does it deserve such high praise? Cause we actually had to prepare and plan for how to handle all this crap instead of smacking heads to keyboards and collecting loot (whatever that first boss’ name is says hi).

Did you know: The female spotted hyena has what is known as a pseudopenis, which is really just an elongated clitoris that is fully retractable!

So as far as my Roakalysis of the fight goes, I’ve decided to distill the fight down into some simple Roak-tips that even Sandy could follow if he wasn’t too busy hogging up loot that he doesn’t need.

1. Do. Not. Cast. Mass. Dispel. Ever.
2. Don’t stand in the middle ring, you will inevitably be penetrated by a stray tentacle.
3. If, like me, you have no idea what’s going on, listen to Facey, he seems to know.
  1. Bonus feature, if you make a mistake, just say it’s cause Facey told you to do that. Works every time.
4. Seriously, do not mass dispel ever.
5. Cast rejuvenate on Anghelz before he goes down on you, you’ll be satisfied and reinvigorated
6. Cast mass dispel on the second fear.
7. Stacking is largely a bad idea, people will drop floor candies under you and you will die.
8. Paladin’s should cast mass dispel off cooldown. (Actual instruction provided by Lic during the fight).
9. Paladin’s don’t have a mass dispel.