It’s OK to be a Shaman – Mythic Mother down! 2/8M

In a move that will likely guarantee his raiding position for every subsequent Mythic Mother attempt for the remainder of the tier, resident Onineko dinosaur Shacarius, has surprised the entire guild by not being entirely as useless as previously thought. An informal poll was conducted around the Roak Poast office this afternoon of which the results found an overwhelming majority of respondents considered Shacarius to be both a disgrace and with poor personal hygeine BUT who is also “alright” at WoW. This contrasts a previously conducted poll which just found him to be a smelly disgrace. This sharp turnaround, while raising a few eyebrows, is not predicted to have any large impact over Roaktahl’s complete and utter disdain for Shacarius and everything he stands for.

Shacarius, who boasts being the longest serving Shaman in Onineko history achieved this level of usefulness with a tremendous demonstration of skill, by placing a spirit link totem between two rooms, not once, but twice, a feat only achievable by someone who has probably bound the ability to some button on his keyboard and/or mouse. Something I’m sure none of us ever expected him to do. The spell in question, SLT, is an ability that doesn’t actually heal anyone for anything, but instead takes hit points from healthy people and re-distributes them to unhealthy people. Sort of like some kind of welfare scheme for people who don’t really want to work and are happy sponging of the better members of society.

Shacarius’ efforts, while crucial to the success of the kill, have done little to improve the overall standing of the Shaman class. A study conducted by the Roak Poast last night has found that Elesoon is still the least respected player in the entirety of Onineko, maybe even Azeroth itself. Other Shaman did not fare much better, with Nikuii rated the most annoying player and Ljays the most unknown person to Roak and therefore un-insultable. Fearing the studies might be suffering from an internal bias, Roak Poast went out into the World of Warcraft to gather more data:


Moving right along, Mother was…interesting I guess, as interesting as cheesing the only real mechanic and then waiting for 3 minutes with your thumb up your own ass can be. That said, the actual most depressing thing about the kill was the fact that nearly half of the raid died during the final room transition, and we still managed to kill it before the hard enrage room explosion. In any case it’s always good to knock down another Mythic boss and prove that we’re not the worst mouth breathing fucktards in WoW right now (maybe second or third, but definitely not first). Also I managed to coin roll the off hand I was chasing so that’s a nice bonus.

Shacarius is not the only *cough* hero of the night, here’s a few other honourable mentions listed in no particular order.

Red: For pressing whirlwind and dying every time.
Ang: For pressing the rogue equivalent of whirlwind and dying every time.
Ruki: For somehow usurping #1 Healer from Roak
Deages: For squashing any and all attempts for anyone to have any sort of fun on discord.
Angry: For being a trooper and letting every other healer cooldown instead of you. And finally:
Roak: You know what you did baby 😉

With Mother down, we no longer need our Shaman anymore, so even though it may be ok for you to exist, your class is still not welcome in any aspect of the game above LFR. I recommend rerolling a demon hunter, you’ll be treated better.

– Roak