A Guild made it to Melbourne!

Greetings dear friends and sworn enemies and welcome to this exclusive edition of the Roak Poast – Adventures in Melbourne.

In this week’s edition we discuss bad choices, unhealthy relationships and Deages: the man behind the mask, but before we get into that… Not since (maybe) 2014 has such a great number of Oninekians gathered together in the one place to share beers, bodily odours and good times! Yes friends, this past¬†weekend some time ago PAX in Melbourne happened and a large number of Japanese demon cat people made the journey down (or up if you’re from Tasmania) to Melbourne city to sit in a hall and play boardgames while largely ignoring any other reason for being in the city or at the convention. There was one other special reason we gathered together, evCn if only a small number knew it at the time, but, everyone’s favourite rogue, Anghelz had his birthday on Sunday and became Onineko’s official oldest current serving member at the ripe old age of 214. Ang has been with Oni since Mists of Pandaria and while isn’t the oldest member we’ve ever had (Peggysui still holds that crown at 297 years of age.), it’s still pretty funny to call him Gramps so I encourage all of you to do so.

The event began probably on time at 7:30pm as stated, I however wouldn’t know as I was being fashionably late having drinks at the distillery down the road. So in reality, the event actually started at whatever time Roak brought the party. I came along with my dear wife Wendy, Melbourne local and sometimes WoW player Sam “Ogree” and the man of the hour, walking all by himself without a zimmer frame – Anghelz. The venue was a simple brewery, the beers almost good enough to make you forget about the pungent smell of horse shit out the back and the food… actually pretty good. Our group had occupied about three of the largest tables (and that’s not a fat joke) and were merrily eating and drinking the night away.

Rather than attempt a play by play recount of the entire evening. I thought I’d break it down into some of the more memorable moments.

Ruki loves to squat

Ruki, the second greatest healer to have ever worn the Onineko colours has a bizarre fixation with squatting while fat Oninekians rest on her back. As someone who both witnessed others, and participated as said fat person, that girl can really squat. Many others attempted to match Ruki and her squatting ability (henceforth referred to as squatability) but none were able to challenge the the #2 healer to her title and henceforth Ruki shall forever be known as the Queen of Squats.

Calt is a good bloke

I’ve been in this guild a long time as anyone who’s been here for a short time will attest to having heard me say multiple times. But never in my long history watching the revolving door that is Onineko, has anyone come up to me and asked me if I was for real. Calt had the balls to do that. Calt also said he likes my posts. Calt is a good bloke. Be like Calt.

Turtle was a huge disappointment

I don’t know how many kilometres I travelled, probably like a billion that’s how far away Melbourne is, and this bastard didn’t even show up! I won’t be too hard on Turtle cause I know there was a legitimate reason for his absence, but fuck you man, I flew all the way to your country for nothing. You’re dead to me.

Deages was exactly how I expected him to be

There’s really nothing else to add here.

Red is definitely gay

Stop being homophobic Ang.

Kupp’s isn’t just a pretty face

It’s also a convenient abrasive and potential firestarter. Don’t believe me? Maybe this will convince you.

Bonus points if you managed to spot the shocked look on Dirby’s face.

It takes a squad to carry Tony home

He’s the exception that proves the “Asian people are small” rule and it’s probably owing to that fact that it took at least three people to carry this man home (I’m not exaggerating the carry part). I’ve been unable to confirm this fact, but after seeing the aftermath of Tony’s violent spew, I believe it similarly took a squad to clean up the mess.

Catching up with all of you on the Saturday night was a largely… tolerable experience, and one that I’m sure is the start of long term back problems for Ruki, but with everything said, I’m glad I made the trip down and do sincerely hope Turtle bothers to show up next time.

Image Gallery!

Kupp knights our illustrious leader as Earl of Tattoo Arm, two random people watch.

Red inserts finger in Kupp’s bum. Kupp is alerted but not displeased.

Smiling happy people and one crazy Tasmanian standing on a table.

Roak hanging out with his new BFF Calt, Wendy looking jealous.

Ruki interrupts Sonu’s beer.

FFS Sonu…


Uhhhhh…Saj attempts to wheelbarrow Ruki and…Sonu? Realises he only has one penis? I dunno this is all kinds of weird.

This is genuinely the best picture we took together… I’ll let that sink in a bit…

Till next time Roak Poasters!

– Roak