We killed three bosses and all I got was paying Sandy a lousy thousand gold 5/8H

So it seems that apparently some people don’t like to read news posts entirely about how great Roak is. I’ll spare everyone the embarrassment and not mention any names (Captain Murray Pants and The Saj) and dedicate myself to writing about the actual raid this time instead of my previously prepared post titled “1000 Words About How Great Roak Is”.

We started the raid at boss number three. The Radiance of Azshara. This guy kinda reminds me of Immerseus from way back in Siege of Orgrimmar, except instead of being a plain water elemental, he’s some pissed off water dude with a giant poo turd stuck inside his chest, which would be uncomfortable at the best of times and probably goes a long way to explaining his disgruntled attitude towards a couple random Oninekians walking around trying to pick up mystery fish bubbles from the floor. In any case this guy gets through his day to day life by throwing tornadoes everywhere and sending them to chase after hapless raiders who are just trying to shoot fireballs and shit into his face.

Eventually, someone remembered to flush this guy and he disappeared for a bit, leaving residual poonadoes and bubble things stuck up against the edge of the bowl. Unfortuantely for Rad-o, Onineko has a wealth of experience in both wiping and being shit and we were able to handle the phase two add, who for the record, is a giant dick that will punt you back into the water if you ignore Facey’s multiple warnings to watch your positioning.

Like an alligator in Florida Man’s house, Rad-o crawled his way back out of the bowl for a repeat of phase one, dropping his obnoxious tornadoes on the ground again and making casting a real pain in the ass. There was only one way to scrub all evidence of this bastard away. Across the raid, Oninekians discarded their purples, reaching instead for a pair of magic toilet brushes. Within a few minutes of hard scrubbing, the guild had banded together and cleaned the boss better than a toilet duck commercial.

This fight kind of felt like there was a good bit of healing to do, but obnoxious tornadoes and too much toilet humour made this a bit shit.

3/7 Roaks

We then moved on to the next and so far hardest boss of the tier – Lady Ashvane, who somewhere between me not really knowing who the fuck this bitch is, became some kind of hulking sea monster anti-vaxxer with a penchant for coral and bubbles. So after somehow being transported to Byron Bay, we engaged this boss the same way we did in normal, which is to say we ignored mechanics and just tried to fuck her up. This failed miserably, exacerbated only by Yog telling raiders targetted by mechanics to stack on the boss and trap err’body inside bubbles. Needless to say we wiped harder than all the poo jokes in the previous paragraphs of this post.

Once res’d and ready to try again, this time filled with renewed confidence to ignore whatever Yog says, we gave it a few more goes, improving steadily with each attempt as more and more of Lady Ashvane’s unvaccinated coral failed to reach maturity. Then we hit the wall. 6% hp and an entire full shield to go, with soft enrage coral mechanics shooting more and more bubbles. After hitting this point several times, we realised we were not hitting the dps targets necessary to knock the boss off within the second broken shield phase.

We took a break to refresh hearts and minds, coming back after a few minutes to a Calt prepared feast of extra primary stats. This of course was clearly what was missing from our team and between the extra stats, a brilliant showing from #OniHealers and some expert coral busting in that final phase, we smashed this bitch with science and facts, doing what nobody in the history of the Internet has ever done before – changed an opinion.

Real fun fight, lots of learning and management of micro tasks that when pulled together, makes a great encounter.

7/7 Toaks

Unsatisifed with just two new kills this week and with a spare forty minutes up our sleeve, we decided to go poke Orgozoa, the jellyfish thing in the small room with all the floor candy. Now this story requires a tiny bit of background, my first time fighting this boss was Wednesday night in normal, where our dear friend Sandy was notoriously terrible at avoiding the extreme floor candy this boss likes to throw out. So I thought to myself, an easy gold wager would be to bet that Sandy would be the first to die. A wager I’m sure most of you would consider to be free money. Well it turns out that when Sandy wants to make a thousand gold, his UI doesn’t conveniently break whenever he’s targetted to do mechanics (something I’m sure we all thought impossible after watching him on Lady Ashvane).

So after the entire raid was able to dodge mechanics and succeed in phase one of this fight, we handled the transition down the ramp where I died in normal this week and began phase two in the room below. Things were going well, really well, nobody had died and there was still time to sabotage Sandy and make some money. That is until Kwayver, destroyer of dreams and Sandy Apologist decided to get himself one-shot. The smugness in Sandy’s voice as he demanded his money from me was palpable. Never in my 15 year wow career have I resented handing money over more, than I did last night to that undeserving and terrible feral Druid. Kwayver – you’re dead to me.

Shit fight, shit Sandy, out of pocket a thousand gold.

-1000/7 Golds

Then because stupid Sandy was begging me for his gold, I missed the timing to take a screenshot, so I had to take a few liberties… I can provide a high-res print for you Sandy, it’ll only cost you 1000g…

-Roak