Progression and how not having Groff makes it happen – A Study by Roaktahl (7/11H)

I’m back by popular demand (Yog asked me really nicely) with a rare website update for the good people of Onineko.

I’ll start by first admitting it brings me absolutely no pleasure to point out the glaringly obvious omission in tonight’s raid, the boss, the kingpin, the guy that apparently causes all the wipes, I know him as Ctwin, but you might also know him from other characters such as Arduous, Primalous, Zealous, Tortious, Felpacket, Charlietango, Feintnow, Terrorous, Valorous, Derpcircle or Tedious and only three of those weren’t a main in Legion!

…but this is a serious news post about serious business and we’re not gonna get sidetracked just taking the piss out of Groff right? (he he he)

Boss 1: Garothi Worldbreaker

So obviously the first boss is gotta be really easy right? Well it’s made even easier when Groff isn’t around!! Alright I just had to get that one out, there won’t be any more cheap jokes at Groff’s expense from here on out. Also this boss is boring and not much happens 3/7 Roaks

Boss 2: The two dogs that everybody hates

Lic and Ruki seem to hate this one but I think it’s alright, at least it’s alright when the tank isn’t feared and the dogs are running around eating people’s faces. The real trick to success however is keeping your Guildmaster the fuck away from the raid when you’re on progression bosses. 4/7 Roaks

(ps wtf is Xcloo doing in this screenshot??)

Boss 3: Don’t step on mines you stupid fat cunt

If you’re only going to have one good attempt every ten, make sure Yog fucks up the timing on the shield when the boss is sub-10%, causing a heartbreaking wipe. Also not having people from Canberra in the raid seems to help as well. 6/7 Roaks

Boss 4: Portal Lady

A big pat on the back to the portal team for this one (you know who you are, I don’t as I’ve forgotten already.) for kicking ass and having the smoothest shadow portal ever. A big props especially to the portal team healer for being awesome. The downstairs people…you’re bad and you should feel bad…in fact the only thing worse would be people who didn’t even show up tonight cause their internet was down or something… 7/7 Roaks

(this might actually be my favourite screenshot ever).

Boss 5: It’s like tower defense, but…you’re the tower?

All I can say is I hung out with Kupp and there was nothing to do, but apparently this is a boss. Not even making fun of a certain person who was not present in the raid could make this boss interesting. 1/7 Roaks

Boss 6: You mean we have to heal, dispel AND run???

So I’m pretty sure all the healers can see dispels on their bars, if you’re not getting dispelled it’s likely because you’re not the only princess who needs a dispel and there’s a ten second cooldown for each one (sorry I really had to get that off my chest). The bridge crossing phases are absolutely fucked and some of the best fun I’ve had. Great boss, great kill, great big shame that we couldn’t get the first kill with our illustrious leader. 6/7 Roaks

Boss 7: It’s all Mx’s fault

Not since Siegecrafter belts has anyone actually admitted to being responsible for a fuck up, that is until tonight when Mx took complete blame for an add not dying, due to Mx himself dying (probably to an easily avoidable mechanic). I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’d rather blame tonight’s success on a complete lack of asshole cuntery that seems to originate from a single Ctwin shaped source, but take a bow Mx, we could use more honest admissions of guilt such as yours. 5/7 Roaks

We’ll be back with further website updates the next time Groff isn’t here and we can go kill some more bosses again. Till then, stay awesome Onineko 😉