Something something Roak is the best something something no Groff? 10/10H!


After suffering through the last two posts, the people of Onineko have spoken* and I have returned to dribble bits of my brain out onto the Internet for the joy of some and the chagrin of the rest.

…but first a word from our sponsors!

Do you own a Nintendo Switch? If yes then you are either me, Turtle or a filthy rotten liar. Get a Switch and buy Zelda, it’s like WoW if it were set in the Zelda universe with Zelda mechanics and only single player and only on Nintendo. Get yours today~!

So here we are, at the end of another tier (teir if you’re Yog), the dead body of Gul’dan matching the emptiness we all feel inside us as we realise there’s no longer anything to aim for until 7.2, but it’s not all bad right? We have the joy of pointing at Groff and laughing that he missed yet another end boss kill and if that doesn’t make you smile, well then you’re not as much a sadistic bastard as I am, so good for you!

Still, it’s been an eventful week, we smashed 9/10 in one night, a new record of not walling on any of the easy bosses, I beat the first dungeon in Zelda which was actually quite challenging, the final dungeon bosses are tough! Also there was something about a discord argument that went on for over ten minutes about a ring with leech on it. Not bad eh? Gul’dan though, was a culmination of effort from mostly Rushton who’s always on the ball telling us to stack or spread (and always so politely…), grab the souls, run the fire out or otherwise do the mechanic thing. Really I think we could’ve beaten this fight if we just gave Rushton all our accounts and let him multibox the raid. In any case, despite a messy finish, the fight went extremely smoothly and we didn’t wipe cause tanks did and/or didn’t do the thing. So yay~!

I took some great screenshots, but they’re obviously at home, why are you even asking, are you new here? Also here are a couple of crappy pics Sonuku took.

Beating Gul’dan alone was obviously not enough of a stick to shove up Groff’s anus (I swear I can’t help it that I’m this much of an asshole – honest), so after we beat Gul’dan we decided to walk over to Helya and do the thing that we’ve been procrastinating on since Dec/Jan…I mean of course, fail to do the mechanic then overpower it with gear, which I am happy to report worked exactly according to plan and we smashed that bitch and finally got our ahead of the curve achievement. That is of course, everyone except Groff got the cheevo, and I’m pretty sure I never want to go to ToV ever again so good luck on that one!

No pic of Helya, so just close your eyes and imagine your favourite tentacle rape anime (I’ve got one in mind already) and then imagine a Tree Roak in front of it, that’s what it looked like.

After an eventful night, I went back to Zelda and bombed ore deposits for an hour or so, I need 10 flints to turn into this chick for a sidequest to open the jewelry store, but these ore rocks are stupidly rare and dotted around randomly on the map AND aren’t guaranteed to even drop a flint so it’s an ongoing ballache, I think I got to 9 before I realised it was 1am again and that I need to get my life in order.

These are the peeps that showed up last night. You might look at this list and think, wait a minute Roak…why isn’t Primalous on this list?!?! Don’t worry, you do not need glasses and this is not a mistake. In case you missed the subtle references scattered throughout this article, it turns out that Groff in fact, missed last nights raid and was not present when we killed both Gul’dan and Helya, which further enforces a solid belief that Groff can continue standing in the bad on every fight, cause even if he dies, we don’t actually need him to kill any bosses.

…and that’s it! A big congrats to everyone who’s been here with us since Legion released and been part of all the kills in the launch raids (except Groff who tripped and fell before the finish line). With everything dead, you probably won’t hear from us for a while, but stay tuned! Many exciting things won’t happen as we struggle to fill the time and be relevant, but we’re gonna need all of you to stick around and fail again with us in 7.2 and the Tomb of Sargeras!


* One people spoke, it was me…