Passing the torch

There are some people out there who might describe my news posts as arrogant, self-indulgent and egotistical. You might even think after reading one of these posts that the guy who writes this shit must have a chip on his shoulder so big, it’d taste really good if it was chocolate and baked into a cookie. Strange, confusing imagery aside, all of these people are wrong and I’m amazing (see: This post for more), but that’s not what today is about. Today is about stepping down to make room for others and admitting defeat when it stares you right in the face and sparkles in a golden holy light of healing energy.

Earlier this week, Starspriest in typical Onineko fashion, rejoined after an extended stint at some other guild that’s obviously better than us (take your pick of what guild that might be: *hint there’s about 6000 of them*) and then carried us to victory (the best kind of victory is a carried victory) with wicked heals that made me decide to smoke more cause “fuck it, he’s gonna kick my ass anyway I might as well get really fucked up”.

Such as it is with a heavy heart, that I step down as Onineko’s beloved Jew and bestow upon Stars my glittering crown of healing power and name him Hand of the Jew. Congrats buddy, you deserve it.

The Jew Crown Badge

Now that we’ve got that out of the way, onto the boss kill shit post!

So we finally killed Spellblade Aluriel (yay~~) thanks in part to that man once again, Stars <imagine a gif of some party poppers popping> and his new strat that I still don’t really understand. While we’re on the subject of not understanding things, I do not understand how we killed this boss. By all logic, thought and prayer, we royally fucked this shit up. I swear at one point half the raid must surely be dead cause this level of fuck up couldn’t possibly end well. Yet somehow it did (Stars probably came and the great jizz of healing <imagine that same party popper gif again> must’ve pulled this shit out of the gutter – I genuinely do not have a better explanation), but logic aside, we smacked the bitch up and she died just in the nick of time, which is great cause I don’t think we could replicate the planetary alignment necessary for us to even consider killing this boss again.

Here’s a video of the fight:

Still dripping and perhaps a little bit sticky from Stars’ semen, we moved onto Tichondrius to see how we shaped against that. Turns out not too badly? We managed to get ourselves ~15 seconds shy of enrage (boss still had a bucket load of hp) which means for the first time in this guilds 11.5 year history, we did mechanics right. Obviously this meant we should leave this boss and not come back because Onineko law dictates that no boss mechanic shall ever be successfully completed twice in a row.

Here’s a picture of Tichondrius:

Did you expect a kill screenshot? He’s still alive dumbass

So instead we went to Star Augur Etraeus:

So I don’t really know what he does different in heroic, cause this shit all looked the same, but we did alright and even though I can only imagine how tired Stars’ sweaty man shoulders would’ve been from all the lifting he’d done to carry this shitty raid team, it came good with a 4% wipe on the last attempt, which obviously meant we had to have the attempt after the last attempt, and while I would’ve put good money on the attempt after the last attempt to be a shitty attempt that would prompt us to have the attempt after the attempt that’s after the last attempt. It in fact turned out good and we knocked this sucker out and all his pretty world astrology planet shit went down and we relished in the temporary victory granted us by Stars’ presence until he inevitably leaves us for another, better guild and we are right back where we started, failing on trash cause some stupid fuckwit pulled far too many packs and then half the raid runs back to persist combat while the other half just stays dead and has another toke…but I digress, good job everyone!

What do Star Augur and a cow have in common? No really I need to know to make this joke work.