Glaifing: The hit new drug killing your children! 6/10H

Greetings Fellow Oninekians and welcome to the latest Roak Poast coming to you live from my desk under threat of castration by Bob “if it’s not out by midnight…”

Our top story this week. The new drug hitting the streets that is raping your children right under your noses. It’s called Glaifing, but also goes by the street names, chimping, snarking, evilteddy and hula hooping with the jamaican queen. So where are your children getting these glaifs from?

His name is Artificer Xy’Mox (AX) in heroic difficulty in the Castle Nathria raid. Roak Poast correspondent Roaktahl, Champion of the Naaru, went deep undercover inside an Onineko raid, to investigate the supply and distribution of this dangerous new drug and the results, were simply shocking.

The AX encounter is not too dissimilar to the normal counterpart, just with the typical “more of the same” we’ve come to expect from the heroic instance. That however, didn’t seem to matter as AX required the most number of wipes we’ve needed for a boss this expansion by a significant margin, most of it due to the harsh 1-shot mechanic introduced in phase 3.

Whilst under cover, posing as a Guardian Druid I found evidence to support the importing of glaifs onto the streets of Onineko through one of the Guild Officers. Whilst investigations are taking place, Roak Poast cannot reveal the identity of the Officer in question, so for privacy reasons we will partially censor his name to B*b.

Roak Poast took the footage to Guild Master and known terrorist Turtle for comment, but the GM has refused to comment, citing the Allah Akbar clause of 2021.

AX was an alright boss who should have died 10 attempts earlier, but he made a good story so…

6/7 Roaks

Fail of the Fight: I’m actually going to award myself with this one, for no reason other than we’d have killed this boss one attempt earlier if I didn’t have a severe case of the Sideshow Bob Rake-itis

Sideshow Bob Rakes GIF - SideshowBob Rakes Trapped GIFs
Bad Roak! Bad!
We need to have lessons on how to split evenly on both sides of the bear.

With the police contacted and the glaifing ring shut down (for now). Onineko had no choice but to push forward and find new bosses to kill and harvest their sweet purples. First on the chopping block, the Sun King’s Salvation.

Those that have been following the Roak Poast this tier would know that this is a BDSM edging challenge. The heroic encounter adds one new memorable mechanic – giving Kael’Thas chlamydia and causing the burning sensation in his urethra from phase 2, to remain on the floor for the remainder of the encounter. This of course requires strategic positioning and kiting by the tanks to ensure the edges of the map are used up first, giving us plenty of room to cycle through multiple phases.

Unfortunately a little STI isn’t enough to give this encounter heroic status and knocking it over after one wipe only added to the underwhelming aspect of the fight.

2/7 Roaks

Fail of the Fight: It gives me no joy to announce this fail. Incumbent guild fuckwit Shacarius, best known for being a cunt, died not once, not twice, but thrice on the kill attempt. The only (?) saving grace being that he died from three different mechanics, perhaps he learned something from each death?

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present: The worst player in Onineko
/yawn boss

With twenty minutes to spare we decided we’d go hit the next boss and see what it was like. Unfortunately it was about as exciting and interesting as a wet sock and after a single wipe, we knocked Lady Inerva Darkvein off.

Try as I might, I can’t think of one interesting thing about this fight to write about.

0/7 Roaks

Fail of the Fight: Blizzard, for making a shit boss.

This screenshot is the best part about this boss.

Unofficial holiday raiding period has been very successful, but with raids back in full swing this week, I’m pretty excited to see how far we get. Well done everyone and let’s kick ass in 2021!
– Roak