Onineko wakes from slumber: Is still full of fuckwits

Hello all my fellow demon cat furry sex maniacs and welcome to the first Battle for Azeroth post by yours truly, the one and only Roaktahl!

We’re now just shy of two weeks into the expansion and things are heating up both in-game and in-Red’s-pants so lets take a moment to sit a while and listen to old Roak rant about things that he’s found interesting in the past few weeks.

We Have No Tanks:
The thing first and foremost on my mind is how goddamn difficult it is to find a fucking tank in this guild. Yes I know what you’re all thinking, have we ever really had a tank in this guild since that amazing Bear tank from yesteryear chucked a hissy and quit while sobbing into his hanky? No we haven’t, but at least some people who have the tank specialisation would be nice right? In any case, some mad props have to be dished out to the legendary few who have made an effort on their offspecs to help guildies out with dungeon runs the last couple of weeks. You’re the real heroes here. Somewhat lesser, but still applicable props to the few who have actually rolled a different class, just to have a tank available, you’re not as cool as the people who carried me through stuff, but you’re still O.K.! (that’s worth a lot, so appreciate it)

We Have Too Many (Non-Tank) People:
It’s getting so bad that you can’t even @here in discord without being judged (OMG I’m gonna alert 40 people with my desperate pleas for a tank? Shut up discord!). While some people might think this is a good thing; two raid teams, heaps of people for a Mythic raid team, the truth is, I’m old and cranky and don’t like change. So get off my lawn (unless you’re a tank) and stop taking my loot. The standard Roak-whinge out of the way, it’s actually been pretty cool seeing so much activity going on in-game, and I’m pretty excited to see how we fare running multiple raid teams in the coming weeks. It’s unfortunate that I can’t be present in both teams, and especially for the team that is going to miss out on Roak, just keep in mind that you’ll always be number two.

I Need Weapon Drops Again?:
Probably the biggest shock that I’ve noticed is how the (arguably) most important equipment slot is suddenly no longer just taken care of. Not only do we have to play the game to try and get a weapon, but we have to actually hope it drops and that Lumi doesn’t get both an OH and a 2H in the same run. Alternatively if you’re a rogue… well you’re fucked unless your name is Anghelz so you might as well just re-roll now (Groffrey). Speaking of Groffrey, I’m starting a betting pool on when he’s going to re-roll – current odds are 0.001:1 after the first boss fight he loses, get in quick before the odds drop even lower!

PvP Can Be Fun:
While I spent the majority of my leveling experience cowering in terror from any and all Alliance that showed up – largely because I suck at dealing damage and am generally one big giant pussy. It turns out if you gather a group of five decent players and go around late at night ganking solo questing Alliance players, it’s actually pretty fun! The highlight so far comes from last nights gank squad when we invaded the Alliance quest hub, agro’ing every guard in the town, just to hunt down the one Assassin who was in there hiding from us – and then escaping with everybody alive and at full health. Having been on the receiving end of a gank squad a few times so far, I can comfortably say that performing the gank, far surpasses being on the receiving end. Ang, Facey, Dirbs and Saj, you guys can be my gank squad any time!

How About Them Raid Teams:
Hot off the presses as I write this, the raid teams for next week have just been announced and…wow. As expected there is a team without Roak and well, they really are lacking a lot of Roak in that team and I’m just not sure they have what it takes to have a Roak in their team without Roak. This does of course automatically qualify them to be known as the non-Roak team (aka the lesser-gooder-team aka the special-ed team aka awwwwwwwwwwwwww) but even for those of you who did make it into Roak’s team, know that our friends over in Loser-team deserve our pity and our sympathy and I hope this post doesn’t come back to bite me in the ass, so you cunts better play good and cash this shit talk cheque I’m currently writing *shakes fist*.

The full team lists are available here

With the challenge thrown down, I’m really looking forward to some honest to goodness inter-guild rivalry as both teams compete for each of the guild firsts. Also if Deagues Dickhead is reading – If my team sucks I will be putting in a petition to switch over to yours, I promise healing and making fun of the other team – nothing more, nothing less.

Finally, to finish up – The Officers would like to remind everyone to keep an eye on the Guild-Only discord channel for any and all updates regarding next weeks proceedings. Some exciting news may or may not happen between now and then, I wouldn’t know, I’m just a guy with a soap box and a loud voice.

Aaaaaaaaand, that about wraps it up for today, to all of you out there in Onineko-land I say, stay awesome

– Roak