GUǏMĀO Learns Hokey Pokey – Eliminates Ravenous Gulper! 3/10M

Good Afternoon Guimao! Nine-fingers Roak here with the latest and greatest scoop on Guimao Progress!

After blue balls’ing ourselves last week on a 6% wipe then failing to get enough attendance for a second go the following night. We returned to Castle Nathria’s mythic difficulty this week to achieve an underwhelming kill against Hungering Devourer on the second attempt (at least not nearly as exciting as a kill after the last attempt the previous week would have been).

Guild Master, and known Chinese radicalist Facemasher, called the victory a “Great Win for the Communist State” and suggested that starving orphans would no longer starve thanks to the surplus of meat that was recently delivered from an unrelated dead monstrosity. When questioned further about the status of known political prisoner and former-GM Turtle McHummus Pita, Facey began shouting angrily in Chinese before invading a small independent island nation.

On the subject of Facey’s Supreme Governance of Guimao, an informal poll was conducted around the Guild watercooler. The poll found that 100% of respondents who weren’t dragged away kicking and screaming think Facey is the greatest Guild Master the People’s Republic of Guimao has ever had, and that they fully support him and would never entertain the thought of any kind of rebellion against his Great and Glorious Empire.

Returning to Hungering Devourer, this is quite a challenging boss that requires a whole lot of individual coordination and self responsibility, which makes it all the more remarkable that such a terrible guild full of oppressed (mostly) white people, was able to achieve victory.

That is until you realise the mechanics of the fight are trivialised by a weakaura that basically tells you what to do. Stay with your group and stack when the dude with the circle has low health. The personal responsibility comes in managing a stacking debuff that applies when you’re in the circle. Those are of course, the mechanics you need to pay attention to if you’re not a tank. If you ARE a tank, (at least not a paper tank) you can just stand in everybody’s circle and soak upwards of 40 stacks without ever really being concerned.

Thus, WoW-hokey-pokey was born. You put the star group in, you take the star group out, you put the st…FUCK ALL GROUPS STACK RIGHT NOW! Oops that’s right, there is one override to this self-management rule. When Facey yells to stack in, you best be stacking motherfucker or it’s off to the gulag with you!

Progression on this boss was fun, but waiting a week to finish it kind of killed any remaining excitement.

4/7 Roaks

Fail of the Fight:
Kupplervati (you made it into another Roak Poast!) for suggesting we completely up and change the entire boss strategy at 10:45 last week, the attempt before we learned how to do the current (and winning) strat properly.

We look onward to Sun King and the ridiculous DPS requirement for that fucking shield!
– Roak